The Longest Night…

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I am a child of Winter.

Literally.

I was the second child in my family born on December 25.

My mother had years of traditions that placed Santa Claus on Christmas Eve and two birthday cakes with separate birthday presents on Christmas morning.

Yet, what I honor and love is the longest night of the year, the Blessed Winter Solstice

My time was spent at a grandmothers home tucked into a tiny town in the Wisconsin countryside

Resting on the shores of a beloved lake, usually semi frozen

Water in any form is my element.

We were far from artificial light that dims the night sky and stars from view. I could see them all on a clear night.

Cold with sometimes fallen snow, I simply was bundled to stay outside on this treasured night.

If cloudy, my love and awe were not dampened.

I have cherished this dark all of my life.

Others will celebrate a birth tonight,

I start that tomorrow, revering both Mother and child.

This is my tradition.

I claim it as only my own.

I light no candles.

No fires are burned.

Know this night on its own terms. It needs no illumination. That time will come soon enough.

If I must , I speak only in whispers.

Better to hear the silence.

No rush, no hurry, just being enveloped by that which is wrongly declared hostile.

This is my home.

Give me a north wind with many long winter nights.

I will relish them until I no longer exist.

For in this night, in this darkness, a hibernation of the senses,

I meet my soul from a time I have yet to know.

She is old, wearing life on her face,

always fierce, sometimes stark,

I love her deeply.

She can be found here, on this, the longest night.

Blessings to all
Bridget Robertson

 

 

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Just For Today

 

 

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Just for today it will have to be enough.

Just for today every bird will be a flock.

Just for today every leaf that refused to change color dropped to fall.

Just for today a lake will have to be my ocean.

Just for today the repeating lyrics and music of “On And On It Goes” * will cry and hope me through.

Just for today that song is my life metaphor.

Just for today each moment will be painted with conflicting colors of dreams and despair.

Just for today my language may be of sorrow.

Just for today It will be mixed with promises of journeys and joys yet to be taken.

Just for today confusion is my companion.

Just for today death’s call may find a way to tempt my soul.

Just for today I refuse death once more.

Just for today I am wary and angry at the endless pain.

Just for today I will tolerate and accept bone chill.

Just for today I will stand in my wasteland once more.

Just for today I will turn my insides out begging to undo an eternal knot.

Just for today the loneliness encircling me will be allowed.

Just for today I will count each person I love.

Just for today all my fears may inhabit me.

I will add them to Carcinoids, nerve damage, burst discs, dystonia, fibromyalgia and a new, stronger pain with growths not explained by any known condition.

Because come tomorrow…..

In what must be a cosmic joke

held at bay

I will add another oncologist for “sarcoma”.

Life is terminal, cancer may not be my final call.

I will wait until every test is finished.

Diagnosis has been wrong before.

A million things could happen.

In my deepest heart,

Just for today,

Just for all my days,

On and on I will go.

Blessings
Bridget Robertson
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On And On It Goes.
Mary Chapin Carpenter

“The Calling” Album 2007

Mary Chapin Carpenter, Matt Rollings – producers
Chuck Ainlay – engineer, mixing
Scott Kidd – engineer
Bob Ludwig – mastering