Just for today it will have to be enough.
Just for today every bird will be a flock.
Just for today every leaf that refused to change color dropped to fall.
Just for today a lake will have to be my ocean.
Just for today the repeating lyrics and music of “On And On It Goes” * will cry and hope me through.
Just for today that song is my life metaphor.
Just for today each moment will be painted with conflicting colors of dreams and despair.
Just for today my language may be of sorrow.
Just for today It will be mixed with promises of journeys and joys yet to be taken.
Just for today confusion is my companion.
Just for today death’s call may find a way to tempt my soul.
Just for today I refuse death once more.
Just for today I am wary and angry at the endless pain.
Just for today I will tolerate and accept bone chill.
Just for today I will stand in my wasteland once more.
Just for today I will turn my insides out begging to undo an eternal knot.
Just for today the loneliness encircling me will be allowed.
Just for today I will count each person I love.
Just for today all my fears may inhabit me.
I will add them to Carcinoids, nerve damage, burst discs, dystonia, fibromyalgia and a new, stronger pain with growths not explained by any known condition.
Because come tomorrow…..
In what must be a cosmic joke
held at bay
I will add another oncologist for “sarcoma”.
Life is terminal, cancer may not be my final call.
I will wait until every test is finished.
Diagnosis has been wrong before.
A million things could happen.
In my deepest heart,
Just for today,
Just for all my days,
On and on I will go.
On And On It Goes.
Mary Chapin Carpenter
“The Calling” Album 2007
Mary Chapin Carpenter, Matt Rollings – producers
Chuck Ainlay – engineer, mixing
Scott Kidd – engineer
Bob Ludwig – mastering