The Morning After…Helthcare??????

They did it. They really did it.
I want no advice or remedies. I just want to be heard.
If you could even find the fragments of my strength, they would be scattered and crushed. My heart has found a place in my throat and in my stomach. My eyes are crimson with tears.
I have, many of you know this, cancer, a cancer syndrome, neurological problems, intractable pain. Any one of these could kill me. Last night the so called leaders of this nation decided people like me can die. I will not call it anything else. I am not just expendable, I am a burden. One, not of my choosing. Laws said the bank I worked for, one of those “to big to fail”, could demand I apply for Social Security and Medicare, even after years of paying for disability and keeping health insurance. And now they have decided in double speak, that since I have a preexising condition, in a few years they can revoke it or send me into bankruptcy.

I am a liability. Never mind that accounting has nothing to do with math, real worth, or contributions not measured on a balance sheet. I fall on the wrong side of a ledger. I simply am no longer quite human.
I can’t go to my carcinoid groups today. I can’t face the fear of so many. I am wracked and wrecked with despair and a rage that has filled me with the an emptiness beyond being in a void. I want to physically lash out, I want to hurt something. I want relief. I want to be told I either matter, or have the fucking guts to give me a law to let me stop my medications and die. That is what they want after all. I want to stop the bullshit of prolife that only means pro fetus. After all , I am a 58 year old woman, which makes me in this world …invisible. An invisible nuisance. And the rage in me is building.
I give up. I just give up. I don’t know if my tears will ever end, for me, for my other cancer friends, others with chronic yet possibly fatal disease. A clock was started with this so called “healthcare bill”. That clock, sounds like a count down to the end of me.
So, I surrender, I give up.
I pray that a sudden devastating illness never comes to anyone. In America, when a chronic or serious illness comes, no insurance pays for everything. You will find that no matter your savings, no matter your income, bankruptcy always looms near. For many people they are one paycheck away from complete financial devastation. Unsure if your illness will allow you to keep working. Baffled at how much will fall apart no matter how careful you were to get all the right insurance. Truth is my parents had better insurance than I do or can even have.
To those who wanted this, I pray they never feel the full weight of what they have wrought. Because karma is truly a bitch.

4 thoughts on “The Morning After…Helthcare??????

  1. No you are not!👌🐬🍁☀🌛🌟🌠💜💜,💜💜💜.karma queen already rolling, bus full of gas, will not miss an ass-black hole souless,without remorse, ten times strong,they will know, they will know,any and throwing out bad intent, malicious maladies of this our human wasteland of greed. I question where or why, the doctors themselves are not involved.

  2. Reblogged this on While you were sleeping and commented:
    On Tuesday, the Trump administration shared its budget proposal, “A New Foundation for American Greatness,” which would cut Medicaid by $1.4 trillion over the course of 10 years.

    Part of the Medicaid cuts would come from the American Health Care Act (AHCA), a bill designed to repeal and replace Obamacare, which, so far, has only been passed in the House. The AHCA cuts $839 billion from Medicaid and defunds Planned Parenthood.

    The rest of the Medicaid cuts come directly from Trump’s budget. Medicaid is currently an entitlement program, meaning anyone who is eligible can apply and states receive guaranteed federal funding for part of the program’s cost. Trump’s budget proposal would switch Medicaid to either a block grant program or a per-capita program, thereby limiting federal funding states can receive, which would affect the quality of coverage as well as the number of people who can enroll. Switching to a block grant or per-capita program would cut an additional $610 billion from Medicaid over 10 years. States would also be allowed to require certain Medicaid enrollees work to maintain coverage.

    “We are no longer going to measure compassion by the number of programs or number of people on those programs,” Office of Management and Budget (OMB) Director Mick Mulvaney said speaking with reporters on Monday. “If you’re on food stamps and you’re able-bodied, we need you to go to work. If you’re on disability insurance and you’re not supposed to be, you’re not truly disabled, we need you to go back to work.”

    Jordan Davis – The MIghty

  3. Bridget – absolutely love this post! It resonates deeply with me and what I’ve been feeling for months. I wish to follow your blog but have been unable to find a way to do so – are you accepting new followers? Sending positive thoughts!

  4. bankruptcy always looms near…. this is true of myself as well. 😦 No college fund for my son, no retirement…. just medical bills. There has to be a better way.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s